DAD-ISM AWESOMENESS & UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
EPISODE 78 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
“Can’t never did nothing.” – Rick Crane
What does UNCONDITIONAL LOVE mean to you?
Define what unconditional love means to you.
This show is for the fathers. It’s a day to celebrate the other most important person in our lives. Today being Father’s Day, I talk about my own father and the lessons I learned from him as well as the adventures we had together.
I also talk about unconditional love and what it means to me.
To all fathers out there, Happy Father’s Day!
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Good morning, good afternoon or good evening. Today is Father’s Day. And today’s show is dedicated to my dad, Rick Crane, which I have a message for him that I’m going to share with you.
But I think you’re going to love today’s show, regardless of whether or not you’re a father or a parent yet. And I don’t know if you’re a guy or gal, but here’s the thing. we have an important job as parents and as humans.
And I’m going to talk about that today on a special day, which it is Father’s Day.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
So I’ve been thinking a lot about this message that I wanted to send my dad. And what it means to be a father and our most important job as fathers. And what’s the difference between being a dad and being a mom. You know, we just had Mother’s Day a month ago or so, whatever, however long it was. I sent a private message to my, private I shared it with you guys. I sent a message to my wife and my mom a bit about the amazing mothers they are.
And it’s thinking about my dad. What I found that there was one common theme that showed up in my dad, my dad had a lot of strengths and we grew up and he had a lot of challenges and weaknesses. And I didn’t really know all the weaknesses of my parents until I got to be a teenager. When I finally knew everything.
When I was a little kid, I thought my mom and dad hung the moon. And when I got a little bit older, I realized that they were human. And they made mistakes. Now, my dad gave me this one thing and he never from my recollection, ever did not give me this one thing. I think it is my our most important job as humans, not just as fathers but as mothers and and and good friends and whatnot is to give people this gift and I and I honestly it’s a challenge to do and the gift is one of unconditional love.
Now when I was growing up, I can’t remember a time when my dad didn’t believe in me. I do remember a time when my dad got mad at me. I remember a time when my dad spanked me. It was a very special moment and memory in my childhood where my dad took me to the woodpile and knocked me in the bare with a two by six, because I had done something to hurt my sister. And he thinks it’s a hilarious story. He will just tell it and drool when he’s laughing you’re laughing so hard, he drools when he tells the story. It still brings back tears to my eyes.
But here’s what my dad did. I can’t remember a time when he didn’t believe in me. When I was seven or eight years old, we went to on a camping trip. And my dad like to do that with horses. So we took courses to the top of this mountain. I’m sorry. We put horses in, in the in the horse trailer and, and a drive over this mountain to get to the place. We’re going on this path, right. And my dad’s truck overheated. We lived in Arizona and and the truck was not able to make it up the mountain.
My dad was concerned that he was going to fall off the side of the mountain. Like it was a dangerous thing for my dad. So he said he had no choice. He stopped the truck on them on the side of this dirt road on the side of this mountain. And he took all the horses out. I think we had four forces and he handed them to me. I was eight years old. And he said, “Trevor, you need to walk these horses up the mountain and while I drive the truck and trailer up because the we don’t have this truck not strong enough to do it. And it’s overheating and we’re having a problem with it. And you got to do this now.”
It was nighttime. That means it was dark and I was eight years old. I don’t know if you know about this, but horses are like almost 2000 pounds your average horse and I was scared to death but my dad looked me in the eyes and he told me that I could do it.
My dad told me that when I was 11 years old, and I wanted to do pull ups and I came to him and I will you may have heard me tell that story before but I wanted to do a Lennon pull ups because I wanted to beat my friends at school who had taken some physical fitness test. They had done 10 pull ups. I went to him crying and all upset because this was an important thing and it’s tough to beat Scott Simonton and Mike Power and do more more pull ups than they did. And I could only do five pull ups. My dad told me that I could do 11 and he gave me a little formula.
He believed in me. He didn’t just believe in me, but he gave me a path to do it now was my dad. Always loving and sweetness and light. No, sometimes he spanked my ass. Sometimes he loved me enough to go ahead and give me punishment when I needed it. because I was a little punk.
And when I was growing up, and I years ago, this is not when I was 10 or eight or anything like that. But I was young man in love with this gal, and we were dating and she was staying at my house. And I was out of town and a friend of mine tried to crawl into bed with her crawled and went out. Went in my back door that I did not lock, tried to crawl into bed with my girlfriend and date rape her or basically make her think that it was me crawling into bed with her.
And I was so angry. I was on the other side of the country. I lived in Florida at the time, I was visiting California someplace. And if I had been around this kid, I probably would have killed him. Like, I was so pissed off when I found out about it. My girlfriend called me up and she was scared and upset and couldn’t believe this. It happened and nothing actually happened. Apparently, you know, so like he had or anything but just the fact that he had this desire to now I had a few days before I could get back home.
And in that time frame, I had a pretty pretty really challenging thing I had to decide where I was going to do is I’m going to kill this kid. Literally. I had these visions of some evil things I could do to him that probably would have killed them and instead I had some friends of mine that are was hanging out with me asking really good questions. And I came to an answer and the answer of what I should do, and this was blew my mind that this was an answer, but it was to forgive him.
And it was almost like I had a godlike or fatherly love for this kid. I’m like, how can I forgive them? It didn’t even make any sense. Like, I want to punish him. But I realized it wasn’t my job to punish him. And what would happen if I just forgave him? That didn’t mean that I wanted him in my life. But if I went ahead and just forgave him, and love him unconditionally, not saying that what he did was okay, but just not taking it upon myself to punish him. And what would that mean?
So I came up with a silly analogy just in my head so I could figure it out and then come to terms with the fact how can I love this kid who had tried to do something not nice, let’s just say that trying to date your girlfriend is not nice, not nice to your buddy. And not nice to the gal and again we can all agree with that. And so what I did is I I didn’t I I fired this year. He was working for me at the time, believe it or not, and I came home but instead of punching him, fighting him being mean to him, you know, a variety things that I could have done. I didn’t want him in my life anymore. I loved him enough to set him free. I love him enough to know that he was bigger than that, that he was better than that. But instead of coming on the punish him and punch him in the face in a variety of things. I confronted him at a conversation with him. And it was amazing. The type of fatherly love it was like a godlike love that I felt like I had for him.
Now that sounds weird, maybe. But I figured that God loves us. My father loves me. He didn’t say it was okay when I screw up screwed up. And when I look at my daughter, and when I look at my son now, this is years after that I actually had children I look at them with the same type of love that I feel like I got from my dad where I believe in them. I love them and I love them and I love people enough to do what I think is right. And to sometimes speak harshly.
See, when you are when you give unconditional love. It doesn’t mean that you always have to be loving, and happy, lovey dovey. It means that you love somebody enough, in my opinion, to do what is right. And in that case, what was right was to get this kid out of my life, the situation and forgive them and let it go so that I could move on and to take responsibility for how I had put him in my life and put in a dangerous element in my life that actually broke into my house and hurt my girlfriend. And that was my responsibility. And so I only see a fatherly love that is unconditional is on conditional.
And so I challenged myself every day with that as a father to go ahead and offer that unconditional love to everybody I come in contact with that’s my kids that is my wife and that’s everybody I meet on the street and it’s challenge sometimes Olympic People in the face and that’s, you know, not conditional love.
So here’s my challenge for you today on this beautiful amazing Father’s Day is to to define for yourself what unconditional love means. Because I believe unconditional love is the secret. Now you needed to find what unconditional love means to you. Now that’s my challenge for you today. I want to go ahead and do a talk to you a little bit more about my dad here and just tell a couple of funny stories. I think they’re irrelevant. Another one about my dad believing in me.
So as a little kid, and we went snow skiing for the first time and my dad took me to the top of this mountain and he we took me down the bunny Hill. Once you go, there you go. Now you know how to work on skis and he was now let’s go to the top of mountain and you don’t me often and said let’s do it. You can do like I said. My dad believed in me now. I cried my little eyes out and I curse that I was scared. And it didn’t work. I don’t know how much I cursed as a little kid. But it was a scary time. And but my dad believed in me.
So then years later, I think I’ve shared this story with you before. If you’ve been listening to my podcast, I took my dad out to the Galapagos Islands, scuba diving. So I became a scuba instructor. And one of the things I learned about adventure inch and travel and all this cool stuff, and I just want to share all the fun things that I do with other people. And definitely my loved one.
So I got my dad to join me in the Galapagos Islands on a charter that I hired. One time I started an adventure tours company, which meant that I would hire a boat oftentimes, and to take us someplace and do something cool. So I did that. And I’m Hamas and British Islands, Turks and Caicos. The Galapagos was a really big trip we took and I had challenged my dad to go through scuba school a really quickly as fast as possible and then join me in the Galapagos.
So he did and we’re on this boat. And my dad is getting we’re getting the initial briefing of how to die with these hammerhead sharks and potentially whale sharks and all these challenges. And they talked about how you typically need about 200 dives to be on this trip. And my dad looked at me like, as big as saucers. And it was like, What Trevor? Like, I don’t know if I’m good enough to be able to if I’m able to do this. And I said, Remember when you took me to the top of the mountain, like, this is payback time.
So I got my dad back. My dad joined me doing a lot of different things. You see, whatever issue this is this the show that’s for my dad. So I’m going to also tease him. My dad also gets seasick. So I had my dad out on this boat, he would wear those little dots that you can put on your neck, and he put like 2345, 1020 of these things on himself, so wouldn’t be vomiting. But of course, he got sick on the trip. He went to the British Islands with me. I think we did the same thing. They got sick when I had him in the Bahamas.
Once he was I was scuba diving, excuse me. I was snorkeling and it’s holding my breath. diving down to go spear a fish in the Bahamas, you’re not allowed to spear fish on scuba tanks. You have to do that on just a breath hold. So I took a deep breath. And I drove down to that 40 feet where there was this little artificial reef and someone had dumped a truck, an old truck, the chassis office coast and some big fish sometimes live underneath it so I don’t down and the only time just make any noise when you’re spearfishing underwater is if you see a sharp so if you see a sharp you don’t want to shoot a fish because then the sharper come over and you can have problems and so I heard this Yeah. Now what now sound travels quite far in water. He can’t even tell what direction sound comes from in water because water is thicker than air and it ends up transferring the sound really fast.
And so at any rate, I’m underwater. it’s crystal clear so I could see all the way to the surface from the bottom of the ocean. And I hear this And I was all pulling back to shoot this group or underwater and pulling back meaning I had this a slingshot type a sphere that I was going to shoot a decision and I look all around and I don’t see a shark now that was the sound by the way that you make like you yell in the water you somebody sees a shark so I want to pull back and shoot this thing a second time still hold my breath mind you and I hear this yell again and I’m like okay better not shoot this fish may have there must be a shark in the area and it was a pretty pretty adamant every time I pulled back on this fish.
So I swim up to the surface and swimming in circles andand i i don’t see a shark anywhere and I get up to the surface I take a breath and I look around and my dad is up on the surface and his mask is off of his head there’s this streaming line of foamy vomit all over like about like this big circle all around. My friends are diving instructors are like in the water and they’re swimming frantically over to him because it looks like he’s about to do Water and like drown so I don’t know that started really means nothing to anybody other than me and my dad but I think it’s funny.
And let me see the last thing I’m going to share with you today is a dad-ism I don’t know if you have any phrases that your father used to come up with that they seated in your mind but one of and this will be the quote of the day is “Can’t never did nothing.”
And I was growing up like I said my dad believed in me that was one of the things I just realized that my dad is he gave me unconditional love but that means that he really wasn’t willing to take any of my and I was constantly a little kid who said I can’t I don’t want to and this isn’t going to work and all that stuff I came up with can’t then my dad said as little as a dad as I can’t never did nothing that’s a quote of the day and the extension of that is how that showed up in my life with my kids is we don’t allow the word can’t in our house. So if somebody says my daughter or myself specifically, I don’t really do this with my wife. You know, I can’t even if we said any way, shape or form then we have to do three push ups. So right now my daughter just recently broke her arm. And so she owes me I don’t know 20 or 30 push ups because we got out of the habit or she got out of the habit with an out push ups beverage. He does it but uh.
Alright well that’s all I got for you today. This is a bit of an episode for my dad. But it’s a bit of an episode for you. So please do the challenge today is to define what unconditional love means to you . I explained a couple of situations where it made a difference in my life and how I challenged myself every day to give that to my kids, my wife and the people that I come in contact with, to love them enough to have the self the self trust in myself to do what I think is right regardless of the circumstances.
And for you to define what unconditional love means to you said you can actively go out and share that kind of love with others. Initial of I believe is a love that you you give regardless of what you’re going to receive you do it without any desire and intention to receive anything back it’s just what you get regardless of whether or not somebody likes it somebody thinks that they agree with you i get it regarding this doesn’t make everybody happy if you do what I believe is right and good and honorable and respectable, and then I love people enough to go ahead and do things that they may not like. I love people enough to say things that might make people think poorly of me I don’t give a I’ll do what I think is right regardless and I got that from my dad. My dad doesn’t exactly operating with his those exact same principles. But these are the lessons that I learned from my dad. And Dad, Happy Father’s Day. I love you.
And hey guys, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow on another daily dose of greatness quest.
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