SHUT THE FUCK UP
(Where in your life is your “mouth” costing you:
money, love, opportunity, freedom and
EPISODE 5 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
“The best way to influence someone is to find out what already influences them.” – Trevor Crane
“Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is to shut the hell up.” – Trevor Crane
Where in your life is your “mouth” costing you: money, love, opportunity, freedom and connection?
Discover an areas where you know that “your mouth” is costing you money.
Let’s say it’s a prospect that you’re trying to convert into a client.
The smartest thing to do in a sales conversation is to let the client speak 70% of the time,. Your HOMEWORK? ===> SHUT THE FUCK UP. <===
Listen for that 70% of the time.
Mute your phone if you need to do that so that you can listen and discover.
There are many areas of our lives where we need to LISTEN more and TALK less. This show explores where and how you can more effectively do that.
HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT:
Get a FREE COPY of my book, HIGH PAYING CLIENTS at: trevorcrane.com/freebook
ABOUT TREVOR CRANE
Trevor Crane is best known for 2 bestselling books, High Paying Clients and Big Money With Your Book… without selling a single copy.
If you want to become IRRESISTIBLE to your ideal target client, and massively grow your leads sales and revenue, Trevor can help you craft a book that becomes your most powerful marketing tool, in 90-days or less. For details visit: EpicAuthor.com
Well all right, all right, all right. This is Trevor Crane and welcome to another Daily Dose of Greatness Quest. Today is an important episode.
It’s called Shut the Fuck Up.
In fact if this is very relevant to you is where is your mouth costing you? More money. More love. More opportunity. More freedom and more connection. I think you are going to love today’s show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
Here’s the thing. Our mouths, your mouth costs you money. It costs you opportunity every single day. That’s why today’s episode is called Shut the Fuck up because we all need to remember this call to action.
As I have grown older and wiser, or maybe dumber in some ways, but definitely as I have grown in my maturity and in my ability to better interact with my clients and with my wife, I have learned that sometimes the smartest thing I can do is to shut the hell up. Just recently, I got a phone call from one of my previous clients who has invested in our Epic Author Academy, which is an online program to help people write books and publish books and make a lot of money with them. I offer a lifetime access to this.
I got a phone call right out of the blue. This phone call was not necessarily part of my program. It was just that this person has access to my phone number and I didn’t check my caller ID. I just answered it. Then the conversation was very confusing for me because it was one, right out of the blue. I didn’t know who it was that was talking to me. Then they didn’t actually slow down to ask any questions or connect with me in any way. They were vomiting on me something that was important to them.
They started in the middle of the conversation with me that I had absolutely no idea about the context of what was going on. I was just confused. Then a little bit of frustrated and a little bit busy with whatever the hell I was doing ’cause I wasn’t asked permission to go ahead and talk about subject matter [inaudible 00:02:38] understanding to. I kept thinking, this is a person I actually, once I realized who the hell it was, ’cause I had to mute my phone and go back and look and figure out who this was to think ’cause I wasn’t even given a breath to think. I was like, “Oh my gosh. This is someone that I wanted to get in touch with and then give them some valuable bonuses and some cool stuff. I wanted to go ahead and hook up with them and they were on my list.”
Because the person wouldn’t shut the hell up, I couldn’t actually give it to ’em. It was crazy. Then I was busy. I was in the middle of other things. Instead of this being an opportunity for me to actually connect with the other person. Know what the hell they were talking about, ’cause they didn’t ask me any questions. Instead they just confused me and made me think, “You know what? Maybe I don’t even want to offer this bonus to this person anymore, because they are not necessarily someone I want to connect with because they are driving me fricking nucking futs.”
It’s just such a difficult thing to communicate with this person. This is someone that I care about and that I like and I want to help them. I’ve got to get over that myself because here is the thing. How many times in your life … this is the question. Where in your life do you need to just remember to shut the fuck up? Every time that I interact with my wife and she talks to me about a challenge that she might be having or a concern and the [inaudible 00:03:52] she just wants to vent. My [inaudible 00:03:54] on that won’t help her solve the problem.
When I think she’s actually coming to me for my opinion when quite oftentimes, I’d say nine times out of ten, all she wants to do is be heard and listened to. The most challenging thing that I have to actually do is shut my mouth. Just sit there and smile and listen. See, from the outside looking in, when somebody tells you about a problem or a challenge that they have going on or they are just wanting to share, from the outside looking in, other people’s problems don’t seem like they are that big a deal.
There’s this great story. I’ve written about it in a couple books. I talk about it on some of my podcasts and it’s the story I heard from John Gray who is the author from the Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Real briefly, he shared this story about how his father passed away in a really horrific way. He was hijacked in his own car. When the hijackers went on this joy ride, they locked his father in the trunk of his own car and then when they were done, they left him on the side of the road. His father died of asphyxiation in the back of the trunk of the car.
What John Gray did is he went to go pick up the car at the police impound, he out of the crazy, morbid fascination actually wanted his brother to lock him into the trunk of the car. Said, “Hey, lock me in there. I want to know what dad went through in his final moments.” Here’s what happened. John got locked in the trunk of his father’s car. Tried to imagine how it would have been to have died when he was that close to freedom, but yet so far away. He tried to crawl through the back seat. Couldn’t make it through that way. He saw where his father and probably found a screwdriver and poked some holes in the lid of the trunk to get some air holes and couldn’t get out that way. He felt helpless.
He had seen how his father had punched out a tail light and had probably tried to wave down a car. [inaudible 00:05:49] or something, reaching his arm out the tail light and gone, “Oh my God. It would have been so helpless to be in this position.” He saw no way out. Where his brother was standing outside the trunk of the car and actually was able to see John’s arm sticking out and said, “Hey, John. See if you can reach over and let yourself out. If you can reach over and unlock the trunk.” John was able to do just that.
I never found out to this story whether that’s exactly what happened to John’s father and the trunk was unlocked and his father could have let himself out or if the car was locked and that wasn’t an option. The point was is when John was in the trunk of the car he didn’t even consider it an option. Where the solution from the outside perspective was so fricking obvious. All you had to do is press the button.
Here’s the thing. How often have you not been wiling to take somebody else’s advice? I know this happens up for me. I think I’m so smart and I won’t shut the fuck up. I’ve done this with mentors. I go to a mentor who has an outside perspective. Somebody I will even invest in. I wrote somebody a $10,000 check once and it was my first payment of many monthly payments to this gentleman to go ahead and mentor me. On my first conversation with him, I wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
I didn’t accept his coaching. I kept thinking I was smart. I kept thinking that I had something to say. Because it was such a difficult conversation, he was pissed off at me. Before we got off the phone call, he fired me. Returned my ten grand and said, “Dude. No hard feelings, but I’m not your mentor. I don’t think I can help you.” I’ll tell you what. That was a kick in the nuts for me to remember that my mouth is oftentimes standing in the way of what I want next.
Let’s say I’m talking to my in laws. I’m recently having a baby and this baby is new to the world and my in laws want to talk to me about this and they want to talk to me about that. They have a different way of looking at the world. They might want to help plan something that we are doing together with the home we own. They might want to talk to me about what they think we should do with our baby or whether we should circumcise or whether we should this or whether we should that.
My job is not to convince them of anything. My job is to go ahead and connect with my in laws and let them know that I care about them and I care about their opinion. Now, on the inside I may actually not agree with them. It’s not my job to have an argument with them. One of the things I have had to learn how to do, it doesn’t matter if it’s my mom calling me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a client calling me. If it’s my wife I’m talking to. If there’s a human that I’m in the process of trying to influence and connect with and communicate with, oftentimes the smartest thing I can do is shut the fuck up.
Here again is my question to you. Where in your life do you need to learn how to shut the hell up and just listen? My wife and I have also taught a bunch of programs and seminars and trainings on influence and sales. We have an event called sales mastery and another program called advanced sales mastery. People would come to these live events and a common question that people would ask in sales is “Hey Trevor. What is that I gotta say to get people to buy my stuff? To buy my thing. To buy my program. Whatever it is. What do I gotta say? What do I got to say?” Which is a great question, but quite honestly it’s not the should ask question.
That’s the frequently asked question, but what the better question is is what do I need to ask? What are the questions that you need to ask to other people? Let’s say you are trying to make a sale. You are trying to influence someone else. You care about your wife. Your in laws. Your mommie. Whoever it is. Your mentor. What are the questions you need to ask and then shut the hell up and guys and girls I tell you this is one of my biggest challenges, to remember to shut the fuck up.
I will absolutely do this if I’m ever on a conference call with a mentor or with a client or even with my wife and it’s her turn to speak. I will oftentimes mute my phone. I can’t trust my own dumb ass. I will just bubble out with comments and questions and interruptions and it just it sucks. It sucks the energy out of my life, my abundance, everything. See, here’s the thing. You and I think we are right with what we believe. Here’s the problem with that, is you can be right. You wouldn’t be doing the things that you do if you didn’t already think that this was the way that it should be done. You can be right or you can be rich.
You can be in love or you can be rich, which is kind of the quote of the day ladies and gentlemen. You can be right or you can be rich. If you haven’t heard that before, write it down. You can be in love or you can be rich. Here’s the thing, if you open your mouth to speak and try to convince someone to influence them just ’cause you are trying to get another sandwich, if you want to go to Mexican food instead of sushi, whatever it is, oftentimes the smartest thing for you to do is shut the hell up. Ask a few questions and listen.
Those people that are the best communicators are those that actually use their ears more than their mouth. It’s a skill that we need to grow. Here’s my challenge to you. Pick an area of your life where this is costing you. One in your personal life and one in your professional life. On the Greatness Quest podcast my goal is to always help you come up with some way to improve the quality of your life and/or the quality of your business. Once you design and then grow and build your ideal business, I believe you can live your ideal life. Look at both of those areas.
Here’s the challenge for you. Discover one of those areas where you know that your mouth is costing you money. Let’s say it’s a potential client. Like all these people who would say, “I want to sell someone.” What’s smartest at the beginning of a conversation and throughout a sales conversation especially that the client speaks 70% of the time, or the potential prospect. You need to shut the hell up. Listen for that 70% of the time. Mute your phone if you need to do that so that you can listen and discover.
The best way to influence someone is to find out what already influences them. When you listen you can discover what’s needed and the person asking the questions controls the communication, which is another great quote. You should write that down. The person who asks the questions is in control of the communication. If you want to influence more people, practice with your mouth closed and you will learn more. The best communicators, the best influencers are those who pay attention.
Pay attention to the people that you love and to your business and your challenge today is to go out and actually shut up in some area of your personal life and your professional life and take on a personal commitment of “Hey, just remember to ask more questions and shut up and listen.” Start doing a ratio. Keep a little stopwatch. She how often you are listening and how often you are trying to convince somebody else that you are right and they are wrong. You can be write or you can be right. You can be right or you can be in love.
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