EPISODE 42 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
What questions drive you? What is the primary question behind how you think, how you act, and how you make most of your daily decisions?
“The quality of your questions determine the quality of your life.” – Trevor Crane
“What you focus on doesn’t just expand, it attracts.” – Trevor Crane
1. Find your PRIMARY QUESTION.
What’s the primary question that you’re asking (consciously or unconsciously) that you’re asking all the time? This question is driving what you focus on, what things mean, and your decisions, interactions and behaviors… what is it?
2. What are the positive benefits this question has given you. How does this question not serve you? What are the limitations or challenges this question creates?
3. Modify the question to make it better. What’s a better question you can ask?
Today, I talk about PRIMARY QUESTIONS.
A “primary question” is a burning question that drives us. It drives our focus, or decisions, our interactions and behavior. Today, we talk about the POWER of understanding what your current PRIMARY QUESTION is, and how you can improve and transform it to help improve the quality of your life, your business and get better results.
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Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to another daily dose of greatness quest. I’m Trevor crane.
Today’s topic is PRIMARY QUESTION. What is the most powerful question that you ask yourself on a regular basis? How can you figure out what that question is? And then what you can do to change it so you can improve the quality of your life and all the results you’re getting?
I think you’re going to love today’s show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
All right. When I was a young man, when I was a boy, growing up in Phoenix, Arizona, my father was a horseshoer. And we struggled financially. When my parents got divorced, we struggled even more financially. And my stepfather was a roofer. And when I was growing up, there were times that we didn’t have enough money to pay the utilities. So sometimes we went without air conditioning or electricity, oftentimes.
I live in Phoenix, Arizona right outside of Phoenix, Arizona in a town called Cave Creek, actually. And I don’t know if you know it, but it gets bloody damn hot in Arizona. Nice to spend my summers. When I was a teenager sometimes sweating in the middle of the night because I was so struggling with like our living situation.
Like literally there be no electricity, sometimes for days. Sometimes we would, in order to wash dishes or flush the toilet, I carry buckets of water back and forth from a pool that we had in our yard. There was more like a green algae-filled lagoon more than anything else.
But here’s the thing is, that during that time, even when my parents were still together, I used to want more. Like my PRIMARY QUESTION when I was a little kid was, HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? Like I always wanted more ice cream. I always wanted more, another sandwich.
My friend in high school, his name was Lee Sun, used to make fun of me. Because when I was over at his house spending the night, when I was probably like somewhere between 10 and 13 years old, I asked for another hamburger. I used to make them really funky sound and pretend to be me making bigger please. Like I wanted more. When I was in school, I always wanted to be faster. I always wanted to be smarter. When I was playing sports. I wanted to be more coordinated. I always wanted to be taller.
Like the core question that seem to come up for me was just I didn’t have enough. I wasn’t ever good enough. I wasn’t ever fast enough. I wasn’t ever smart enough. I wasn’t good looking enough. I wasn’t coordinated enough.
And so, as I finished high school and then I went to college. And then I started whatever profession that I had at the time. I’ve always had this burning desire need to have more. Like if I want to race, even then I would sometimes challenge myself to try to, like, “You know what? It didn’t count.” Like it wasn’t good enough. Like, I would say that I would celebrate, but on the inside, I felt like I always had to try to achieve more. And so this was the primary burning question inside of me when I was growing up.
And when I first went to A DATE WITH DESTINY event with Tony Robbins, which was years ago. I think it was back in 2002. He challenged me with this concept of a PRIMARY QUESTION. Like, what is the question that is burning inside of you that you may not even know that you’re asking, but it’s basically driving any and all of your decisions? Like you’re asking it maybe 100 or 1000 times a day. And I don’t know what your question is right now. But there are questions.
Like a friend of mine is going through some health challenges right now and I don’t know exactly what her PRIMARY QUESTION is, but I can see what she’s focused on. Oftentimes she’s focused on the pain and suffering that she’s going through right now. She’s asking the question WHY?
I’m assuming based on the feedback that I’m seeing from her online. And she’s having to go through multiple surgeries. And she’s angry. And she’s upset. And she’s pissed off. And she thinks it’s very unfair. She’s a young woman and she’s going through some major health challenges.
And I agree with her. It is completely bullshit and unfair. But I believe in a law of the universe that what you focus on, you get more of. Like you get more of the pain when you focus on the pain you get. But the other law of the universe, I think, is in play here is you also attract what you focus on.
And even if this question is unconscious, which oftentimes it was. I never really thought about the fact that I was asking this question, HOW CAN I HAVE MORE?
But when Tony challenged me with this at the event, I had to consider what’s the opposite? Like what’s the negative aspect of this? Like this wasn’t a bad question. This has helped me survive. This has helped me feel good about myself in school. This helped me accomplish more. I was able to run faster and jump higher because I constantly was trying to push myself. So I could be more do and have more, more, more. And it’s still drives much of my pattern today.
But the challenge at the time, I wasn’t very focused on the gratitude of like what I had already. See, the question of HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? presupposes that WHAT I’VE GOT IS NOT ENOUGH. Which you’ve already heard in my other podcast. I’ve talked about this before that this is one of our primary driving fears that we have as humans that we’re not enough and that we’re not going to be loved.
And so what I was doing is, I was basically saying whatever I’ve got is not good enough. And my focus was on, this is not enough. I need more. I must have more. And I don’t know we’re trained for this as young men. We go out and we go to kiss a girl. And we try to maybe do some heavy petting. Maybe we’ll do a, you know, maybe we’ll be able to make out a little longer. Maybe she’ll let me touch her bra, you know. And when she says “No”, we’re like, “Hey, I want more.” Then she will let you go past the bra.
You know, we go to next, second base, third base. And we’re always looking for more, more, more, more, more. I think it’s not just conditioning of me but it’s human so that doesn’t mean human males with testosterone. And that’s my question of MORE.
My question for you is, what is a burning question that drives much of many of your decisions today? And you know is it that, you know, WHY DON’T PEOPLE LIKE ME?
My mother-in-law has a PRIMARY QUESTION and she shared a story with me about how she had a family member passed away. And when he died, her experience of that event helped it, made her develop some beliefs. Or she chose to adopt some new beliefs that she wanted to make sure that other people liked her and cared about her. And I don’t remember the exact question that she was asking or that she has the primary driver. But there’s absolute evidence, she’s very concerned about what other people think of her.
I am not as concerned about those things. I honestly, I do care to a certain level, but I do not really give a fuck if somebody is going to go ahead and say that they don’t like something that I may do. Where my mother-in-law cares very much about what other people think about how she acts and interacts and whatnot. So she has different questions. And the quality of your questions determine the quality of your life.
And at the time when I was asking this question, HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? Like honestly, I was focused on how I had a less, so guess what? I was continually having challenges and problems.
When I first started working with Tony Robbins, I had $17 left on my credit card. When I went to go ahead invest in working with him more, he invited me to work with them in a university program. And hang out with him for a year or two. And get more of his education and support and leadership and to challenge me.
And I didn’t have enough abundance to be able to pay for that by any stretch. And I just took a leap of faith and put my signature on a piece of paper. I had no idea how I would later pay off, but I found a way. I found a way because he believes in me and that I knew that I needed more help. Kind of getting off track here.
But here’s the thing. My question for you is, what’s a burning question that you have that drives everything? And when Tony says that’s the measure of this question. And you may not know it yet, but I would challenge you to start looking for that burning question that is driving you right now. That you think is underlined. That you would say is driving all of your interactions and behavior.
And for Tony, he shared his story about this. And he gives you a measure for how do you determine if it’s your PRIMARY QUESTION. So I’ll do my best with this real quick. So his story was that he wanted to make things better. And so he grew up and that seems like a pretty positive question like even my question was kind of a positive one.
But oftentimes that’s not people’s positive. They’re not necessarily asking a positive question. They could be asking question like, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? It can be somebody’s PRIMARY QUESTION. And you know, WHY DON’T PEOPLE LIKE ME? or what, you know, a variety of different things. But for Tony, it was, HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER?
And that was a question that served him because he’s constantly trying to make it better. But it also caused him some challenges because it presupposes that everything around him wasn’t good enough already. And he would oftentimes make the people around him crazy or upset. Or they would feel like he didn’t love, care and appreciate them. So he was constantly having friction because he was always trying to make it better. And it didn’t matter. If something went wrong, he freaked the hell out.
And so he didn’t have any grace in his life because he was choosing a question that, yes it did serve him for a certain period of time. But what he challenged us at that event and what he said that when he came to the realization himself. And then he had decided to adopting new question. A new question that would serve him better. And he challenged me that day at that event to do the same thing.
And this is what I would challenge you to do so you could determine the PRIMARY QUESTION that is shaping things right now.
You want to do two things. You want to find out where, number one, where it’s serving you? Hold on, let me give you the measure of this. And then I’m going to give you the what to do. Okay, so hold on. So Tony said that his was, HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER? And he said he’s at, honestly, he had to test the question. He’s like, what’s got so, here’s how you test it, what’s gonna happen if you don’t meet the outcome of that question? Like what, how does that make you feel? And for Tony, it was like he had to make it better. Like he was, like he would freaked out a lot. He’s like, My God, I always find a way. He’s like freaking out. He felt like if he couldn’t make it better that he was gonna die. It was like he had no choice. It was this burning desire.
So unless you have that kind of emotional attachment to this question, you probably haven’t found your PRIMARY QUESTION. Like for me, it was the same thing around HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? Like I had to figure, I had to find a way there. Because the opposite of that meant I was a failure. I was a loser. And like I am, that I was gonna die. Not exactly died, but that’s what, you don’t want to be that emotional wreck.
Okay, that’s the measure of your PRIMARY QUESTION. This is a jumpstart on this PRIMARY QUESTION here.
And now that you’ve got that one, I want you to do two things. I’m going to challenge you to say what is the positive benefit this question has given you. Because it’s been a driving force in your life that you either consciously or unconsciously chose. And it served you to this point. It helped protect you. And helped you create the results that you’ve created.
And I’m sure they’re phenomenal already. But then at the same time, there’s always a flip side. And it’s one of the challenges that it’s caused you as well. Like mine has a lot of positives, but it also had a lot of negatives. I was pretty hard on myself. I was pretty hard on others. And I wasn’t very, I took the word contentment literally out of my vocabulary. And I said, I did not want it. I never wanted to be content because that meant I would die literally. Like I was, like I had to achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve MORE.
Like when I won the race, I got some love. When I did well, people appreciated me. And so I felt like I always had to have more. Well, I wasn’t a very chillax dude. I couldn’t just relax in the moment and just be happy and enjoy. Because I felt like the only way I receive love was if I was kicking ass.
And what I decided to do and what my PRIMARY QUESTION evolved into. See, because once I realized that it served me and I could say thank you for it. And that it was holding me back and hurting me. See, I could now choose a new PRIMARY QUESTION.
By the way, this is a challenging thing, you know. You just, you decide that you’re going to ask another happy question, is going to give you more more joy. It doesn’t exactly happen like that. You just can’t get recondition a lifetime or decades of behavior with just the decision.
But what I did is, I conditioned a new belief in a new question. And it became, WHAT’S THE GIFT IN THIS?, which was a very weird question for me. But it became just the easiest question I get to answer. Like my first question was like, HOW CAN I HAVE MORE? and it’s really simple. I’m a simple dude. You know, that’s all my mind could really get around.
And then when it went to the positive question that I came up with. The one that made me feel better when I change this. And I had to condition my body and then my behavior and this took a while. But it took a discipline that I’m going to share with you a strategy that you can go ahead and make happen.
But I started to realize that everything that was happening to me was a gift. That even the challenging things were a gift. And that, it made me face the challenges in my life as though they were a gift. And I just started being more grateful, probably for one of the first times in my life. And this changed and gave my life a richness and the depth and me this happiness and joy that I hadn’t had before. Joy was a word I didn’t even really know how to experience. Like I knew how to score a goal and win a game and celebrate like a warrior like I just won. But I wasn’t content with a moment.
So my challenge to you is to go ahead and think of those two things. Like what is the thing that you, the positive benefit this question has given you. So you can honor that. And then how can you modify it and add to it and make it better.
Now, mine was WHAT’S THE GIFT? and here’s what I decided to do. I decided to ask that question, like all day long. I wrote a little poem about it. It’s called an incantation. And I like to talk about that in my 30-day goal-getting challenge where you set a goal. But then I’m also helping you recondition your mindset around this question of WHAT’S THE GIFT? because I think this is an amazing question. Because no matter what the challenge is that comes up, it presupposes that there’s a gift in it, you know, no matter what it is.
So I oftentimes shift to the positive every cloud has a silver lining type of the thing. And I’ve now conditioned myself because I’ve repeated this over and over and over and over and over and over again daily, daily, daily, daily, daily.
If you would like to join my 30-day challenge, I’ll give you this poem. And it starts off with, “Thank you God for loving me and giving me the gifts I need for every moment of every day. Millions of miracles come my way and in the morning when I rise. I see your love shining through my eyes. A reflection of you I see inside of me. Guided by love I’ll always be.”. That was the beginning of the poem. It goes on for like a minute or two, but just at the simplistic level, it was WHAT’S THE GIFT IN THIS?
And I’d love to give that as a gift to you. I’ll give you the poem. I’ll give you this incantation as an audio. All you gotta do is text message the word Trevor, that’s my name to 36260.
Text message Trevor to 36260, you’ll get my app. And on there, there’s a button. This should say Join my 30-day challenge and it’ll actually put a second app on your phone that will give you the 30-day challenge. And it will remind you to ask this question every day.
And yes, I’m asking you to try this test of asking this question, WHAT’S THE GIFT? Yes, I want to give you the additional gift of you getting any goal, you can set and get any goal in this 30-day challenge. At the same time you condition your mind consistently with this core question of finding the gift.
But as far as the PRIMARY QUESTION goes for you. I would just challenge you to keep the same type of discipline with trying to condition a new question that better serves you for the next phase of your life.
I just sat on an airplane with a gentleman who said that his mind was different when he was 15 and when he was 20. And it was different when he was 20 to 25. And he actually learned this from his father who’s now in the 60s. And his father is the one that told him this. And he said your mind changes when you’re 35 and 45 and 55. He is a different man he is today. And he said, finally, now that he’s 55 and he has gone through several phases in the storm, right? Finally, now that he’s 55 years old, he knows what he wants to do with his life because your mind changes.
And I would challenge you to come up with a new and better PRIMARY QUESTION and to take the 30-day challenge of What’s the Gift 30-day Challenge to set and get any goal.
Hope you like today’s show. And that you give me some love by going to iTunes and give it a little thumbs up and a nice little comment. And I’m gonna send you out there. Go out and like find the gift in something, in everything, no matter what the brain is that you’re focused on.
And remember, if you focus on something, it expands. And I also believe that it attracts. So if you want to track more awesomeness in your life, focus on the more awesome stuff.
All right, that’s all I got for you today. And I’ll see you tomorrow on another daily dose of greatness quest.
To get even more awesomeness, which means all my best stuff, download my app by texting Trevor to 36260. It will show up right on your cell phone.