NOT HAPPY?
HERE’S HOW YOU CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING
EPISODE 86 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
SUMMARY
On today’s show, I talk about what to do when life gets hard. You’ll also get one of the world most POWERFUL questions, that has served me in my times of greatest need.
DAILY QUOTE
“It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.” – Trevor Crane
DAILY QUESTION & CHALLENGE
When you find yourself in a situation where you’re not happy, or you don’t like what’s going on, ask this one core question: “What else could this mean?”
HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT:
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TRANSCRIPT
On today’s show, we’re going to talk about being happy, not being happy, and what you can do when you’re not happy.
And I’m going to share with you a scary story for me, or at least was a real scary time at the time in my life when I thought I might lose my daughter, and we’re going to custody court about child support and child custody and is a very scary time. I was a very angry dude at one stage… and I shifted everything during a simple, short little drive in my car.
I know you’re gonna love the show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
Okay, so what do you do when you’re not happy?
I’ve got one core question that you can use that can change everything for you. And this is on the back of some things that I learned from Tony Robbins and actually applying in my life. And I’ve years ago, I learned to reprogram my mindset and reprogram meaning of words. And the reprogramming like what I’m focused on it thinking about, and it’s helped helped me massively.
But I found myself really, really, really, really pissed off.
I was going to court to fight for custody for my daughter at the time, my daughter’s mother and I were arguing and I needed to take her to court because I was not getting the time that I wanted with my daughter. And we were disagreeing and we had times when she was moving. And I was trying to move my house and my apartment wherever I’m going to live near her.
And she would one one point she was in New York City. Then a couple weeks later, she was in upstate New York. And she and I are not seeing idi now she was doing the best she could. And I’m not blaming her right now, this is just my sharing with you what was going on at the time. So at any rate, at one stage, I said, Okay, we’ve got to have a judge actually definitively decide for us like what the child child custody rule is going to be between us.
And at the time we were sharing our time with our daughter, 50-50, when we first went to court, we basically had to go back to court and back to court back to her. And I don’t know, three, four visits, something like that. And in the interim, the judge said to me that it was my responsibility to pick up my daughter and drop her off every time we exchanged my daughter. And at that time, it was like maybe three, four times a week, because we were basically alternating every other day, then then every other day, I needed to go pick up my daughter and go drop her off.
And the challenge with this is, it was about an hour and 10 minute drive. So that meant three, four days a week, I was caught in the car for about two, two and a half hours. And, uh, one of these drives is like the third drive of the week, I was caught in traffic, and I’m driving to go pick up my daughter or drop her off. No, I was going to pick her up, and I was so off and so angry. And so feeling like this wasn’t fair at the time, I had paid for some things that I thought were were bills that my my daughter’s mother and I should share.
We were arguing about money.
We were arguing about time that we were going to spend with our daughter. And if I was so angry I could I almost couldn’t drive I was shaking so badly. So here is what I did. I was driving along so off. So road rage people on the road, but of the circumstances situation. And I felt so helpless and so angry just makes me want to fight.
And so I asked a core question that Tony Robbins gave me years ago. And it is, what else could this mean? That’s my daily question for you. If you find yourself looking at a circumstance and you’ll like it. What else could this mean? When I found my bankruptcy? Originally, I thought even just the concept of fundamental bankruptcy. I thought that meant I was a loser, I was a cheat, I was a thief, I was a liar. And because my identity is not I do not think of myself as being a liar, a cheat, a thief and a loser are I fought against it and want to ask the question, What else could this mean?
Basically, my first answer was like, nothing like it. I I was so aligned with the meaning of pain. My wife, my daughter’s mother being unfair. And this being of the not right thing that I was just off. But I kept asking the question to the sat there in the car. And my initial response was that like, this could mean anything else. This is just unfair. And I’m being cheated. And, and I have to spend all this money and spend all this time and I was just freaking out.
But I asked the question again… “What else could this mean?”
And as I was driving this was in upstate New York, and I looked at the road, and I looked around me, and there was this beautiful blue sky with these puffy clouds. And I realized that I was driving down the road, like, what else could this mean? And I realized that there was beauty all around me, rolling hills, the time they were green is could be an earl. And it was just beautiful. And I was like, why am I so off on this beautiful drive? What else could this mean?
And I thought about it. And I’m like, well, right. Now, this means to me that I have been This is unfair, this is unjust. And I get really upset when I think something is unfair, especially to me, or the people that I love. And then I came up with them like, well, what if this had a meeting about my daughter instead of focused on whether or not I was right, or whether or not this was fair? What if the meaning of this was that like, what would I do for my daughter? And the truth was, I would do anything for her.
And so I started realizing that the meaning of me driving back and forth to pick up my daughter if it was just about my daughter, and not about court, not about the judge, and not about her mother, and not about our argument, if what this really meant was that I am a good dad, and then I care about my daughter, and what would I do for my daughter?
And the answer was anything. And what is this was about my daughter and about making her happy and doing the right thing and showing her that she was loved in like, one minute, maybe two, I transformed to the feeling of this drive, in fact, that is that what else could this mean? Maybe this was an opportunity while I was driving in the car, maybe this was a gift that every day I got to drive both ways in the car and like what else could I do with this time listen to audiobooks Can I call my clients, maybe this is time for me to have Trevor time.
Maybe this could be the biggest gift of my life, to be able to drive back and forth. What is this drive wasn’t a pain in the. But this drive or something that I looked forward to. And what is this drive actually was a gift. And it was the thing that would set me up for my daughter. And it was something that I can enjoy every moment.
And I still remember this was such an amazing revelation to me. Because in the middle of a drive that I was started off the first half hour so off, I couldn’t see a straight I finished happy, it blew my mind honest, didn’t think it was possible. That even wasn’t my goal. I was just trying to survive, strangle somebody. But I blew my mind that I had developed this skill of adjusting the meaning of events.
And there’s one core thing that can change the quality of your life. And it’s basically what you choose to dip. It’s your decisions in life that just determine the quality of your life. It’s not your conditions. I didn’t come up with that phrase. I heard it from Tony Robbins. And I think it means a lot. So let me say it again. It’s not the conditions of your life that determine the quality of your life. It’s your decisions.
And we get the opportunity to make new decisions all the time. You can make them in the middle of the drive, you can make them in the middle of being off. I now use this strategy with my daughter when she gets upset or depressed. And there’s actually only three things you can focus on or change at any time. And this is also something I heard I learned from Tony Robbins, what are you focused on? What does this mean? And what are you going to do? What are you focused on? What does this mean? And what are you going to do? Remember my example, I told you, I was driving a car so off. And then I looked out my window and asking the question of what else could this mean? God, this is a great question.
And I looked around and I started to see the beauty around me, I started to focus on new things and started to change my physiology. Now, what I have found is that if you focus on changing any one of those three things, your focus the meaning of an event, or what you do, you change all of them, you know, and when you’re young, I was drunk.
When I was I was living in the Bahamas, and I was hanging out with new friends and co-employees, and one of the senior guys there gave me a drink called a “mind-eraser.”
Damn! And it was something that we drank that you suck down with a straw. I remember I drink a lot of these suckers. The next day, I was so hungover, my “friend” thought it was hilarious.
Because I could barely function. And man I was I thought I was gonna die. I don’t know if you’ve ever been that sick with a hangover food poisoning or something like that. But I he thought it was hilarious. I thought it was gonna die. And he said, tread your job today is to go out there and work as lifeguard on the lifeguard station across the way. Now, that meant I had to sit and I was like, Okay, I’ll get a kayak and I’ll kayak out to this location. Because it was like 200 yards out or hundred yards away from the beach. And I had to swim out there or somehow and he said, No, I want you to swim instead of kayak. And I was like, dude, I’m still hung over. I had Justin formatted in the on the beach, and my manager mad at me, because he was the guy that actually got me drunk and thought it was hilarious.
So I jumped in the water. And I was so off that he made me swim over, but I put my face in the cold water, and I swam in the beach, to the lifeguard tower, we call it rock, that was the state is big section of rock. And by the time I got to the rock, everything changed. I wasn’t sick anymore.
The cold water shifted, because it was what I did shifted my focus and it shifted the meaning. And then actually, the physiologically It was an amazing thing to do was I had a hangover, but the truth is, if you change it, even if you do something different, if you focus on something different, even my baby, my baby, I’ve got four months old and carrying around arms right now on a walk around my neighborhood, and then my baby gets upset, hurts himself, whatever it is, his name is Maverick, by the way, what I will do is shift its focus, I shift his position, I shift him physically, I get his eyes and his ears to focus on something else. And he forgets that he bumped his knee hurt his head, or that he so hungry, he can’t see straight, he’s throwing a fit.
So if you change in one of these, you can change your life. It is the decisions and choices you make in your life that determine the quality of your life. So that’s all I got for today. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re not happy about something or you don’t like what’s going on, I strongly advise that you ask this one core question What else could this mean?
That’s about all I got for you. I think this is one of the coolest one of the most life changing questions that I’ve that I’ve got in my arsenal one that is absolutely serve me when I’ve been in some of the hardest times in my life like I just described one of them and I hope it’s a gift for you. So I got for you today. I hope to look forward to seeing you hope to look forward to seeing you I can’t wait to see you on tomorrow’s daily dose of greatness quest. Talk you soon.
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