MY DAD DIED TODAY
EPISODE 148 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
In today’s episode, I share what I learned from a friend who just lost his father.
To be clear, it is not my dad who died.
Today, you’ll learn how to not hide from your pain… and so much more.
DAILY QUESTION & DAILY QUOTE
Do you hide from your pain?
Do you pretend that everything is fine? That you are not pissed off? Or sad? Or depressed?
“The depth of a man’s pain is equal to the height of his ascension.” – Trevor Crane
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My dad died today.
These are the words that a friend of mine just shared with me. To be clear, my father did not die.
Today I’m going to talk about what I learned from this conversation I had with a friend of mine today and I think it’s gonna be extremely valuable for you. So hope you love the show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
So real quickly, I think I need to set the stage here about what we’re going to talk about and how this conversation came about and how this is going to be relevant to you.
Briefly, I’m part of the wake up warrior movement run by Garrett Jay White. And in here there is a brotherhood of men. And one of these men shared with me today but not just with me, but he didn’t share privately, he shared with the group, excuse me, on a coaching call about what he processed when his father passed away. And this just happened like in the last 24 to 48 hours.
I call him a friend. We’ve only briefly met and connected but he’s definitely brother. And he was going through his feelings about losing his dad. And they’re mixed.
He has this combination of, of grief that’s going on for his father. But at the same time, he’s extremely angry at him, because apparently his father’s in a situation where he could have actually helped himself and father, my friend, colon had a lot of pain and anger towards his father about how he was raised and was still holding on to this anger and resentment. And a lot of that anger and resentment helped create the man that he is today.
And so he went through a process to deal with the pain and to come to his lessons and his learnings and what I call the gift. All right.
The passing of his father which by the way, obviously when you lose a loved one, there’s there’s nothing great about it that they’re completely sucks. But the the concept is to find the gift in it for you because there’s always a gift in something. And at any rate he shared what what we call in the Brotherhood the stack.
And I’ve actually made a decision on one of the things I’m going to do in my new 30 day program will help you set and get any goal and I call it What’s the Gift Challenge or the gift challenge or whatever. I’m naming this as it launches out. I’m going to give as a bonus the things that I’m learning through the warrior movement just because these are core elements that you need to have.
You know it’s really a fundamental way to go ahead and approach life I think it’s just beautiful and I want to be able to share it. So at any rate, he shared what he went through which is called the stack and it’s basically a series of questions that you ask and answer to help you find, you know what I have found over the years of just focusing on the gift.
And so make it into a little bit more of his story before I give you the formula here real quick. So he was as growing up, Colin has grown up with his dad, his dad did not provide his dad was a screw up in a lot of different ways. And so what Colin’s challenge was, is he was still really angry at his dad and angry up into the point of just days before he died.
His dad wasn’t taking care of themselves. His dad was running a series of patterns that like Colin was fighting against his entire life since he was six years old, according to the story, and what we did is as he shared this, the QA he shared the stack with us. He read through the pain he was going through and he read through he answered his own questions going through this process of like, what is the gift in that? What are the lessons? What was he getting out of it?
And here’s what was fascinating is this angry his colon is and was at his dad. And he thought that his dad was an example of what not to be like everything that his dad seemed to do and stand for, at least in the sack that he was sharing is the opposite of what Colin wanted to lead his life.
So he went out and that’s not how we keep he went as an achiever and a producer and as a father and a husband and as a businessman and as a friend and as a family member, and as a sauna. And so you know, he went ahead and said, I will do anything to not be this man and to not run the patterns and my father ran into.
A colon found in in his stack ultimately, and I wish I could share with you maybe at some stages will be available to share because it’s something that was really powerful and profound was that at the depth of his pain.
Well, hold on, hold on, I’m not going to share you in my little quote that I came up with a day. What he found is that as screwed up as his father was, he was actually the catalyst for calling to to succeed for everything that calling is created. He basically can now look back and credited as his father’s gift to him.
And so he started off this conversation with a stack with himself about his anger and his grief and he was ranting about it, because that’s what this stack is permission to do. He discovered the gift in what his father had given him and believes in the final assessment that he lived to God’s plan that he did.
He was able to give this phenomenal gift to his son and to the people to the sun now gets to impact because of the way he lives his life and not because he lived from a place of greatness.Well because his life was an example. And it was an example that actually inspired column to do the exact opposite.
And I wish I could share with you the emotion of it. I’m gone through this. I’ve been watching this coaching call and listening to it for the last hour and a half doing my morning thing. And it was a pretty emotional thing for me. And for the men that were part of this share.
The reason I’m sharing this with you now is I found so many gifts in it. See, when somebody else tells their story. We have the ability we just naturally just hear our own. We have our own experience. We go through our own story so reminded me of my mother and my father and the challenges that I’ve gone through.
And while he’s telling his story, we go into this hypnotic state and we experience our own. And so everybody on the call was transformed. We all had our own experience.
Now I’m going to share with you my learnings that I got from it so and give you an a call to action about what I think would be would would best serve you today. So here’s what I what I think was a phenomenal revelation from what Colin shared with me today.
The depths of immense pain is equal to the height of his extension that that heard coach Snyder was on the call today. And that’s when I heard him say a version of that, I’m going to go ahead and call it my quote because it changed by a couple of words that is basically his the depths of immense pain is equal to the height of his ascension.
And I think what this means is and how you and I can get power from this is that we shouldn’t hide from our pain and the feelings and emotions like the beauty of this stack is that it gives the people who have it it’s a series of questions that walks you through exactly how you feel. It doesn’t say hi from then pretend that these challenges are not happening. Or that you’re not upset or pissed off, or angry, or sad, or depressed, or whatever it is. It’s experiencing emotion.
And it reminded me of when I read the book. And I was given this gift a long time ago, the gift, it’s called, what’s the book, it’s the way of the Peaceful Warrior. And I shared this lesson that I learned in that book years ago, many times, but it it gave me a path to go ahead and free myself from the guilt, English pain and challenges that I’m going through.
And in this story, one of the things that happens is, the protagonist is Dan Millman in it. He sees a friend of his see his business burn to the ground, and he watches his friends reaction when he approaches the business and sees that his that had been burned to the ground and everything he had built for the last five or 10 years had just turned to ash.
And he saw the man just stand there and put his hands on his hips and he didn’t see him cry. He didn’t see him getting angry. He didn’t see him smile. What he saw was a man that completely embraced the emotions he’s feeling at the moment. And it pair and it just it made him collapse.
And what he saw was a man who wept openly who’s like whole body and soul ripped open and experience the emotions he was going through. And so for somewhere between two minutes and five minutes, I don’t remember exactly what story was the dude why just lost all of his shit and went to the ground and just started weeping.
And then he saw him rise and move on. And he rose and he had already processed all the fear and all the pain and all the anguish and maybe there was more there down the line. And I’m sure he there was a sense of loss. But what Dan saw and what they defined in the book was that he saw his first example of what it was to become a Peaceful Warrior.
Maybe you make that connection that I’m part of a group now called warrior. I read a book called the way of the Peaceful Warrior or the Peaceful Warrior. Holy cow has made that connection. So what he did was he experienced emotion. He didn’t hide from an I think all too often he hide from our pain.
I know that I have, I know that you probably do. There are times when you hide from it. You don’t want to really tell the truth about it. But see, the depth of a man’s pain is equal to the height of his extension. And I’m not excluding women here. So this is just I’m used to using his and hers or whatever.
But I think that the gift and what I found working with Garrett now for about eight months, maybe a little bit more, maybe nine months, but mostly is that there is power in the darkness. There’s power in the pain.
There’s power in learning to to harness that as a resource on a daily basis, not just you know when it comes up, but to it can because because these gun punches are going to come, the failures are going to come, the losses are going to come the, the people that we love are going to leave this planet at some stage.
And when that happens, it’s it’s common how you gonna do with it and unless you process a regular discipline of how to deal with the shit of how to deal with the pain you’re not going to be proud you’re not going you’re not going to the gym on a regular basis you’re not going to have the capacity your container is not going to be big enough to be able to handle the emotions that are coming up.
And so our challenge is to put this pressure on ourselves and so it may be when I was hearing Colin talk about his father it made me think of my bankruptcy maybe think about the the the emotions that have had about my dad about my mom about the people that I think wronged me in the past and the times that I have gone through it.
What I recognized is that I’ve been given the gift I’m in a unique position where I had some harder things happen to me and I’m sure hardships happened to you many people that are listening to me like, dude, you live the frickin blessed life compared to me.
So I’m not trying to compete with you, I know that there’s some shit that goes on. But when I went through this shit, I was given some tools and resources and one of them was to experience the pain and the emotion. So like, I’m pretty raw.
I have been doing my best to embrace my truth and my pain for a significant period of time. Because I could not fucking survive without it. It was really just the sense of like, it was the only way I knew really had a process. Like when I get angry, I fucking getting angry. And when I get sad, I cry. And when I want to rant and rave I do I just want to feel it.
I don’t know if I can try to hide from it. When I feel like I’m gonna hide from my emotions. I feel like I’m lying to myself. I feel like I’m like I can’t fucking breathe. I get uncomfortable and they get uncomfortable.
And I also was given the gift of of losing things in my life of filing my bankruptcy of having a circumstance where, you know, a million fucking losses, but like one in particular was when somebody tried to date rape a friend of mine had tried to rape a girlfriend, but I’ve had and then I had to go through that process and the pain and wanted to kill him and choosing not to and and learning to forgive him. I had to learn how to forgive.
Like I went through that and I found the gift on the other side I found the gift on the other side of losing a soul in my life that was my best friend in the world. He gave the unconditional love and I learned how to forgive God and myself and find the gifting and I couldn’t feel comfortable I couldn’t even fucking process.
I could hardly fucking move for like two months until I found like what now we have through the stack or what I have through this simple question. I have lots of that gift in this because when I asked the question of when shit happens and it was what’s the lesson?
Oh you know fuck it sometimes you know my my little internal teacher like fuck it you know it would be critical and it’d be this hard lesson and like there’s a guy that’s like you know there’s there’s this the wrath and and it made me feel bad but when I looked for instead of the lesson and just the pain of finding the gift in it for me it was a positive lesson It was a positive spin it set me free.
And what I recognized today on the session what came up for me when calling shared his story in the men who are on that call share theirs their Tiffany’s and what they learned from from being part of the process was that the consistent This is just my take from it the consistent association to pain and using it as a tool and using it is a resource that what we do is that the deeper the pain, the higher the rise.
Like and but we need to not hide from the pain. All too often it exists and it’s in the background and we don’t want to fucking show it. We don’t want to tell people we don’t want to tell our truth. But that our challenge as humans not just as this isn’t a warrior movement for men.
This is like a belief system about how do you process what’s going on in the world? And how do you get more out of it? And how do you learn and how do you process the gift? keep coming back to that is about mining the depth of your own emotions and being honest enough with yourself and your Creator to just express how you frickin feel.
And then keep going through it until you find and I’m just going to simplify with one question instead of a series of questions and giving you the whole stack. I don’t even have that as a resource.
I’m glad to be able to share with you at this stage and I hope to in the future I will. If you guys join my 30-day Challenge, I’m going to do everything I can in my power that we share with you my experience of this.
I give you that formula on the stack and series of questions that you can adopt it and also invite you to take that on and and and go to wake up warrior and check it out whether you’re a man or a woman and you should probably just fucking tune in and follow and become part of the movement and program yourself.
But that said, focus on what the gift is in it because for me it just simplifies it simplifies it all down to you know, being honest with my feelings, being real, being raw and and experiencing the circumstance and take my lessons from it and journal it and right out of the how it makes me feel and rant about it.
And then find the lessons or what I have to be a positive spin on it or I’m not done. I have to find the gifts in it that actually served me so that I can say thank you for it.
Because I also realized this today, the bankruptcy I had beginning two kids hit by lightning the challenge that had the loss losses that I’ve had my dad maybe slap me around a little bit when I was a kid growing up in poverty that or at least what I thought was poverty wasn’t frickin poverty compared to real poverty.
But it was struggling financially as a as a boy all of these things I wouldn’t trade more on them not one experience as uncomfortable the field that way they’re probably both room but I wouldn’t change one all of them have been blessings and gifts in my life just like Colinn discovered today with his father.
That the people in our lives and the things that happened to us and around us are from our upbringing and circumstances and parents and family and friends in the in whatever the frickin is has a purpose even if you don’t know it yet. And I won’t trade those experiences for the world.
Those are just as precious to me because they they created who I am. They’re just as precious to me as my family as my wife as my kids fuckin harder to handle this much prefer kiss room, my wife and a slap in the face from some of the shit that I’ve gone through. I think this has been a powerful day for me of realizations.
So let me do this for you. I want to give you a challenge. I want to give you a challenge to to to join me on this path.
The best way I can probably support you with that is that I’m doing everything I can to go ahead and support you and taking your life in business to the next level. Whichever part of it is that you want to go ahead and shift and so I’m doing this daily podcast I keep plugging in. That’s my request. That’s my my share.
But I would also challenge you to get my app. If you just text message on every one of these shows I I include a PDF and the transcript of the show on every one of them is like two three times like frickin get the app download the app, put it on your phone and I have a 30 day goal setting challenge.
That is a gift to you and in that you get my book called The gift and I challenge you for 30 days to go on this thing I’m just trust me it’s no one’s going to help you set and get any goal Mike lemon today to you is that I’m going to finish the 30 day there’s there’s two apps that actually had me to download the one and then they needed on there is a button or if there’s not a button the day that you look at it.
Check it out the next couple of days to go ahead and join the 30 Day Challenge. And I’m going to give you another app that’s going to help you so much walk through the process so that you can condition a mindset that can go help go ahead and help them serve you for the rest of your life. There’s no question charge for this, it’s just my free gift to you.
My only challenge with Givens free shit away is that people typically value based on what they paid for it. But you know, it is what it is. I’m going to give it to you. Hopefully you’re going to get that from it.
And hopefully you will take action with it by new realization. I think I shared yesterday or the day before my podcast was how fucking important it is that when I started program, I finished a program and then when I take a program I want to become the fucking prize amazing students in it.
I want to become a success story I want to become a role model I want to become the case study that the mentor that my coach that the person who created this course and program or whatnot can go ahead and point to and go that guy fucking kicked ass with this. This guy applied it applied these principles of love to have you experienced that with me and set and get any goal.
It’s a pretty powerful process and I’m going to dial in the little parts of it that aren’t finished yet. By the time you listen to this, you’re ready to go and get the frickin party started. That’s my challenge for you.
And in that, you know, if I gave you the, the protocol is to experience your pain to be authentic with it to create a pattern of how you get real and authentic with the truth and to go as deep as possible in it. I’m going to give you one more quick story about that.
When I first learned this from Tony Robbins, he said, there’s this thing called an incantation, not an affirmation but an incantation. The affirmation is what Stuart Smalley used to say on Saturday Night Live. You look in the mirror and be like I’m good enough. I’m smart enough.
And gosh darn it, people like me and Tony, we talk about an affirmation where you stand in your backyard and you look around and you go ahead, there are no weeds there are no weeds there are no weed. That is not the truth there weeds in your yard and they’re taken over.
You got to tell the truth and the idea of an incantation was to yes use language but to use your entire body to embrace what you’re saying and I was taking it This was a course he had given me was a tape set I think or CD years ago and I was like calling bullshit on this thing and I listened to and I’m trying to take action with him but I thought this was kind of cheesy.
And so what I did is I locked myself in my car like I got through it my my car I had a truck at the time and I drove down the block because I didn’t want anybody fucking see me. I didn’t know where else to go ahead and do this because I supposed to say this thing out loud I supposed to yell and scream and I completely embrace it was I going to do have a temper tantrum at the house it didn’t make any freakin sense.
And I was embarrassed and what the some of the call the cops so I jumped in my car and I drove down the street called us accurate nobody could frequency me was nothing but trees all around me. And I sat in my car and I didn’t even know what in condition to us.
So I’ll use one word and the word was yes and I hollered it out with all my passion and all my power and I just screamed yes and I tried to embrace it in my entire body I tried to just be coachable he said man incantations were powerful and part of this experiencing the pain is it you have the courage to go ahead and feel and if you’re not engaging your frickin body you’re not feeling.
So he said the bark it from the bottom of your soul let it out and so all yield was one word and it was yes you’re probably repeated yes inner as loud as I possibly could a dozen three dozen times but in the first yeah when I let my entire body just feel I didn’t even know what I would. Emotions. I was really processing it triggered in me tears.
I can’t remember what it was about. I don’t even think that I consciously do with the time But what happened is I was overcome with emotion. And I sat in my truck yelling and crying and at the end I felt so fucking good and so free custom and I’m a simple I’m a big dumb guy I can handle like one freakin thing. One thing I could barely even be coachable enough to take his advice.
But I hollered it out, and what I did is I got out a lot of pain, a lot of fear, a lot of anger. I don’t even know what I was processing. I didn’t need to consciously do it when I did this for the first time, and maybe my entire life. Hey, that’s not true. This bullshit. I totally felt elated and yelled and screamed and celebrated their fucking plot or whatnot. But that was a period of time that I was holding back and it set me free.
So the first part is you getting real with your pain and telling your truth and to experience that you don’t just write it down. You fucking yell it out. You go into it. You rant about it.
I got up at 4:30 this morning. I’ve been out doing my daily discipline of my walk and talk my exercise my coaching myself my going through my core for my doing my staff my my focusing on what I’m going to learn in my business and what a multiply I wanted to have I’m learning I’m living shit and then I am leading from it.
And I’ve been focused on for frickin hours because I have to build the muscle because right now so so many beautiful things in my life that are like my my family’s great. My business is great. My relationships are great. Everything is fucking great.
But we know that around the other corner like a fucking when it’s under sunshine sometimes there’s snow and sometimes there’s rain in the storm is common shits going to happen I can’t avoid it and so I need to be prepared and they need to become more any need to grow my container some fucking working on it every day.
And part of that is delving into the depth of my pain and taking the time to go ahead and do an hour and a half coaching call with my company. community of people who are helping lead from a place that they have already been and sharing their truth openly and honestly.
And then the second thing is for me I’m from a gift to you as you just give you one question, what’s the gift? And to condition some behavior and you the consistency I have been you asking this question now for over a decade and it does save my fucking ass.
It has shifted everything for me because it is the core of what I look for all the time in everything. every fucking place. I am happier dude. Because of it. I am I get through my shit so much faster than the average Joe and I forget that this is a muscle I’ve been conditioning daily multiple times a day for over a decade.
I am strong with this muscle and it is still hard to flex and the way that I can go ahead and get to the next height of my Ascension ascension. And the next place I’m fucking going is by going deeper and deeper and deeper into the darkness and into the pain, and it will Garrett calls the pit and experiencing the pressure because the digger the deeper we go with our pain.
The higher we can rise, the more we can succeed and ascend and help lead so not a lot of plans a day and my share with you other than that I wanted to extend the gifts that Colin gave to me to you that we found the gift in the passing of his father, which is something he’s very sad about are these going to use as fuel to help him become a better man and a better leader and now his story if you’re still listening. has made a difference in your life as well.
And you get two choices about your life and how you choose to live your life can is going to be a lesson or an example. It’s gonna be an example where people go holy shit I want to live like she lives I want to live like you live I want to aspire to be more like that guy more like that gal that is the example that’s living your legacy.
Living not with lip service but with your ass with you walk in your talk or it can be a lesson that people get to point to and say whatever you fucking do don’t do that your kids your family your friends your clients get them look around and say that is a that is a that’s lacking that is a problem right there where the person lives way that they shared Where did they did shit I gotta fucking move away from.
How do you want your life to be? How do you want your life? What do you want your legacy to be? When you leave here an example of how to fucking live and be or freaking lesson that the rest of the world gets to try to avoid, you become the dodo bird who always makes the wrong choice and sets an example for what not different than.
All right, I know which I choose if you choose to join me and let me be part of the next level of your life and business success and give you the questions to ask and give you some accountability and give you the coaching and give you the clarity and share with you the community that you need to go ahead and take your life and business to the next level.
Keep plugging here on our podcast. Give me some love on iTunes. If you haven’t yet share this with someone if you think they need it and download my app if you haven’t done that yet are you going to do is send them a text message and get it on your phone. You’ll see my smiling face here really soon.
And you can take me up on this 30 day challenge and join me by setting a goal that you want to get and then frickin go getting it and establishing a new pattern in your life that will shift the rest of your life. All right.
I can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow on another daily dose of greatness quest.
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