EPISODE 165 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
I think everybody experiences depression in one way or another in our lives. If not full-blown DEPRESSION, then definitely DISAPPOINTMENT.
In today’s episode, I share with you my strategy on how to destroy depression. Today, I’ll give you three simple things we can SHIFT, change the game.
DAILY QUESTION & DAILY QUOTE
What do you do when you get depressed? How long do you stay “in it?” How often do you feel, “depressed?”
Surprisingly… I have discovered that often THE MOST SUCCESSFUL and HAPPIEST people you know, BATTLE with this.
Seriously, how do you deal with it? Or better, DESTROY and OVERCOME it? What’s worked for you?
“Our darkness reveals our light.” – Trevor Crane
Recognize that you have the power to change the state that you’re in. And try CHANGING IT TODAY. Use the TRIAD. Run an “experiment” on yourself.
And, especially, if you feel like you’re sad, depressed or stuck in a rut…
Change the game, by changing your TRIAD: physiology, your focus or your language.
HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT:
Get a FREE COPY of my book, HIGH PAYING CLIENTS at: trevorcrane.com/freebook
ABOUT TREVOR CRANE
Trevor Crane is best known for 2 bestselling books, High Paying Clients and Big Money With Your Book… without selling a single copy.
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It blows me away how many great amazing, incredible frickin people get depressed and suffer with, and live with challenges and inner turmoil that is going on for them.
And it’s amazing how many people that you might think, do not have depression or are. And you would never think that they’re going through these challenges. But they are. So I think everybody does.
And today’s subject is how to destroy depression. I know you’re gonna love this show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
All right. Just to be clear, I am not a licensed therapist. This is not your advice. You know, for whatever those disclaimers that you needed the beginning of something to make sure that this is not medical advice and all that. I’ll put that at the beginning here.
And I also have never been clinically depressed. So I don’t necessarily if you if you’re going through one of those challenges right now, you probably need to seek rational help I get that.
But I’m talking about I mean, I have I have had some hard times I’ve had challenges. I’ve had a significant amount of setbacks. I have felt like I wanted to, it’s been rare. But I have felt like I had the feeling like I couldn’t take the pain anymore. And I wanted to end it all. And that’s been rare for me.
So I’m not saying that that’s something that I’ve lived with, and that I know how to relate. But I do know how to relate to like, having bad days. And, and feeling like I’m worthless, and, and going through a funk of depression or a series of bad circumstances and situations that just pissed me off, frustrate me, knock me down.
And so and I’ve had the good fortune of having some phenomenal mentors, they could help me through some of that you guys probably know my story that I’ve filed bankruptcy before I lost the woman I was in love with. And my daughter and I had to give my dog away because I didn’t know that enough money. And then my dog died with a friend of mine like holy crap.
Like, I just felt like I was the biggest loser. And I was going through some really hard times. Now, when that was going on. There was some core questions that I asked myself, and I’m going to share those with you today. But I’m also going to give you and you probably have already heard of this before.
So I’m not going to share with you necessarily things that are new, but I want to give you some strategies that can help you destroy your depression. Because when we are depressed when we are upset about something, and we can’t shift our focus off of it.
That there’s basically three ways that you can change your focus your physiology, your your like energy and and you can shift these things. And so ask myself some core questions. And I also had these three these three pieces to a triangle. And I’m going to use this.
This was a Tony Robbins-ism. So this is something you might have heard if you’ve studied any Tony Robbins that he teaches something called a triad. And and he talks about the triad is being the way to change our state. So depression is a state and I recently lost someone to suicide this year, who was a friend of mine, and it knocked me down man, I’ve was very upset.
And I’ve heard about how this happens to different people who are amazing. And then they get caught up in depression or challenges. And they think they can’t take it all they can’t take it anymore.
And I’ve had the good fortune of working with Tony Robbins through a series of events where I’ve helped people who are suicidal, or have gone through challenges of losing someone in their family who has committed suicide, and how to deal with that, and how to move past it and beyond it.
And it comes down to three foundational things, physiology, focus, and language. That’s those are the three parts of the triad. And what is crazy is that if you change one of these pieces, if you change your focus, if you change your physiology, or if you change your language, you can massively change the triangle.
So just think of that, like, if you change, if you take a triangle and you change one side of a triangle, like the length of it, what it will do is it’ll change the shape of the entire triangle, it changes the, the state that you’re in.
So if you change any one of these things, it can start to transform things. And I’ll share with you what I believe is the most valuable or the most impactful one of these three as well.
And I just had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday, who’s going through some depression issues, I was like, what the like, it drives me insane. Because I love this person, I know how amazing this person is. And I know that they are in there running a pattern of torturing themselves, of getting down on themselves.
And like, the pattern that this person is running is actually one that is causing them significant amount of pain. And, and, and it’s not, it’s not their fault. Like, the cool thing is, is that this isn’t a judgment against you, or anybody else, you know, who’s who’s depressed.
This is just that you or they are running this pattern. And then the recipe for your your depression is in the patterns that you’re running. It isn’t your physiology, focus in language. It is like, that’s how you’re doing it.
And when Tony Robbins teaches this, he shows people he’s like, Hey, get into a physical form. Show me everybody stand up and pretend you’re actors and and act show me What’s a depressed person would look like, how would they stand? How would they breathe.
And you know, most people hunch their shoulders, they put their heads down, and they do the variety of things that are physiological moves for depression, and, and, and feeling depressed. And then he says, Hey, show me the physiology of a happy person. And typically, heads come up and shoulders go back and smiles on faces.
And he’s like, how do you feel, and people typically feel like shit in the depressed place, and they feel fucking happy in the other. So it’s a very simple thing. And actually, physiology is, I think, the most powerful of all three of the parts of the Triad that you can shift triad triangle, Tony talks about it as the triad.
And so what I shared with my friend is, we looked at their calendar, we said, okay, what, how are you spending your time and we talked from like, morning dusk till dawn, like, what are you doing, and this pattern of when they go to sleep, and when they wake up, and what they do during the day.
It’s not like, these are bad things that they’re doing, it’s just the things they’re doing. And some of these are required, right? But we looked at it and we go, aha, like this pattern equals depression.
Like, it’s pretty obvious that the doing these things, that combination of things that they’re doing the combination of things that they’re thinking, or that’s the words that you’re saying to yourself, and, and the the focus that you’re putting on things equals depression. Good job, we now have figured out your unique recipe for depression.
So how do we shift that into maybe a state that is, is better than depression. And so the first thing we did is I challenged them to massively mess up their calendar. And I didn’t say massive, massive massively mess it up. I said, fuck it up, go in there and shift it Go, go to sleep at a different time, get up at a different time, start doing things differently with your time start blocking time for you.
And so we looked at their calendar and we’re like it Where is your exercise time, whereas the time that you’re not going to be running from one thing, and one thing to one thing, I just recently completely adjusted my calendar, and I took off all appointments, everything, and they completely cleaned it out.
And I started with a brand new calendar. And I’m like, all right, what am I going to do on Mondays? What am I going to do on Tuesdays? What am I gonna, When am I going to do this? What am I gonna do that and we just, I messed it up. And it was such a liberating experience.
And I’m like, Look, we need to massively shift your environment, which will directly affect your physiology. And I know that this person has done some significant physical activity and training and stuff and, and exercise in the past, and they haven’t been doing it for a while.
So it’s like I started prescribing, changing their physiology first, and changing their calendar, and so on the three parts of this triad that you can shift, that’s what I wanted to give you.
Now, the second part of the Triad as that as also extremely powerful is your focus. And your focus is like, whatever you are focused on, right? So you could be driving home and you could see a cop, you can be thinking about this, that or the other thing, and then you see a cop car and you’re like, you know, or, or the lights, the blue lights or whatever they are in your rear view mirror, and you’re like, Oh, shit.
Like your sheer focus shifts from whenever you were thinking about your singing along to a wreath of Franklin. And then you see the the blue light and you’re immediately triggered to like an OSHA, was I speeding? Did I just do something wrong? And then your focus goes to that.
And so you shift your energy, your heart beats faster, everything shifts, and then it passes you and you’re like, Oh, thank goodness. Like, it wasn’t me. Like, they didn’t bust me. And then you go, and you pull up on your street in your neighborhood. Imagine this.
And the same cop car is parked outside your house? And there’s also an ambulance there. What are you focused on?W hat are you feeling?
And then you go ahead and you run into your house, because you’re thinking, Oh, my God, what just happened? What? What’s going on? Because you’re scared. And you go in there, and you reckon the nobody’s there at your house? And so now, what do you feel? What do you focused on? What a relief but you’re also concerned, you’re like, Hey, what’s going on? Like, where are these? Where is everybody?
And so you go over to the neighbor’s house and your icon know, there must be some kind of tragedy over here. And what it is, is that they’ve decided to throw a surprise party for you. And they always jump out and do a surprise.
So like, the thing is, is that we are oftentimes triggered from we create meanings for things that are completely not real. One time you are, you’re listening to music, and then there’s a little blue light, and then you allow yourself to be triggered. Oh, no. Oh, shit, whatever. You say yourself. And then you’re like, oh, shoot, not me.
And then you see something, and then you create a meaning for it. Oh, my gosh. And then you create another meaning you create another meaning we create meaning with our focus.
So the question is, what are you focused on now, I you know, you can focus on anything I gave. I talked about this on a podcast.
Recently, my daughter was focused on things were making her sad. And so it was hard for me to shift her. She doesn’t really want to shift her triad. She was all in a ball. You know, like crying, oh, she was sad. It was late at night. And she didn’t want to go to bed. Or she was focused on something that was making her sad.
And so I helped my my hand to her. And I said, Honey, you just focus on things that are making you sad. And I said, What do we do? That was fun this summer. And I had her who look at my hand, made her physically look at my hand.
And I said, focus. Tell me what you we did that was fun. And didn’t want to focus on any of that. And I’m like, how about when we went to the Bahamas? What did you like in the Bahamas? Because we just took that vacation. And she said, Well, I liked it. When we went out with the pigs. I’m like, okay, was that was that pretty cool? She’s like, yes.
So I’m like, I want you to imagine swimming, swimming with the pigs in the palm of my hand. You see that? And I’m like, and then I asked her three more questions about other things that she loved her like, No, she wasn’t focused on any of them wasn’t focused on them. She could barely get her to spit them out. Because she was so upset.
But then I’m like, honey, look at the back of my hand on now what you’re focused on you told me you’re sad about this and you’re scared about going to sleep and you don’t like the movie that you just watching that made you upset. You’re missing your friends. All that.
Now, I’m like, now can you see the palm of my hand where we had all the love and the people that you like, and the things that are fun and the things that you’re grateful for, and swimming with the pigs? Can you see that when you’re focused on the back of my hand? She’s like, no. And so I’m like, but did it go away? It does do those things still exist? And she’s like, yes.
So then I reached out and I slapped her face with the palm of my hand, and it broke her state. And it broke her again, she did it in a fun way. I didn’t slap her hard to leave a mark or anything but a broker state because I said that what that she’s just focused on the wrong thing. So here’s not the wrong thing. She’s focused on things that are making her sad.
Now, what happens is when we shift our physiology, it changes our biochemistry, it changes our minds. So the first thing I asked my friend to do, or challenge them to do was to shift how they spend their time and what they’re doing and, and not just change. Physiologically, I gave them some advice about some things that they could do in the morning to go ahead and shift their focus.
But when you shift your physiology, you focus on different things. And so I made my daughter laugh by slapping her in the face with love, and women, pigs. And then I’m like, Hey, you can choose which side of this you want to focus on. And when we get depressed, we are typically focused on ourselves.
So one of the coolest places to put your attention is on other things like, Look, look out. So the question that I asked myself when I was going through my bankruptcy, the question that I asked myself when I’m going through a significant challenge, the question that I asked myself 100 times a day in almost everything, especially when things are not going well is, what’s the gift in this? What’s the gift? What’s the gift?
I wrote a book about it. This is a combination of things that hit the mindset shift, this training myself to find the gift and even depression to find the gifts even in the loss of someone that I love to find the gifts in anything because there are diamonds in the rough there are there are every cloud has a silver lining all that bullshit.
It is not bullshit. It is true. And I’m looking for the gift. There was a gift in in Finally, in the bankruptcy, there was a gift and losing the woman. I love that that time there was a gift in the combination of these things. And it took me a while to find it. I’m not saying that it was easy.
But I kept asking the question and this question helps me shift my focus. But I also decided to look at that every morning, I repeat the gift to myself. And like I said throughout the day, and I start off with some gratitude and I look around myself and I’m like, What could I be grateful for right now?
What are all the gifts of my life and the gift incantation goes like this. It’s a poem that I wrote. And you might like it if you haven’t read it already, or heard it.
If you go to whatsthegift.com, you can get my most recent version of that book and of the poem and of my I’ve got an app that is coming out on an all this stuff. But the gifts goes Thank you, God for loving me and giving me the gifts I need for every moment of every day, millions of miracles come my way.
Now, when I say that, and I’m focused on that. That’s the beginning part. When I say that, I’m focused on that in the morning, and I just heard a bird go in the trees right here. I look around myself and say, what are all the millions of miracles that are coming my way?
Well, I’m talking into a phone right now, you know, I see a beautiful blue sky right now, I’ve got legs that walk me around right now. Like, these are things that are miracles that I could be grateful for. I’m wearing tennis shoes right now, who the hell made the laces, you know, there’s a million things.
Now I could choose to not focus on that I could choose to go ahead and be depressed, I could choose to focus on the things that are making me sad. I could, and I often do, and that’s okay. But what I’m talking about is how I can shift everything if I shift one side of the Triad or the triangle. And I think physiology first, focus, second, and language.
Third language is how we attach meaning to things like, what does this mean? I’m going to give the example of the blinking blue light and how we can tend to get focused on the meaning of what a blinking blue light means. It means you’re getting pulled over by a cop car, and you’re just messed up and you’re going to get a ticket. That’s what it means. But now it’s not.
It means it’s someone else’s problem in your relief, and an evil little way, like, thank God, it wasn’t me. And then you see, the blinking blue light is and Google Lincoln anymore. It’s parked outside your house. That’s a whole different meaning. What does this mean? What does this mean? What does this mean? This can be the end of this could be the beginning.
And I believe is that it’s okay to feel bad. I think. In fact, it’s a requirement to feel bad. I think one of the only ways that we grow was that we put ourselves under pressure, and then we were having pressure.
And when you’re having challenges, you are having a new growth opportunity. This is something to get excited for. Even if you’re sad. Even if you’re mad, even if it’s bad, I get that it’s to go into it. And to feel it in to experience it. And to get the learnings and the lessons and to jump in.
And so you will find that if I have a tendency of experiencing my emotions, so I will cry and I will get mad and I will curse people out and I will get upset now. I don’t curse them out. Like I don’t get into fist fights and stuff like that. Don’t need to play that game. And I don’t need to curse them out to the face.
I don’t need to win an argument with somebody who I think is being a jackass. I’ll have these conversations with myself typically. But I will experience the emotion. I don’t pretend like it’s not happening. That is doing a disservice to the emotion into the feeling that I’m having.
I’m being sent a message. This sucks. I don’t like it. I am angry. So Fine. Let’s jump in. And I am depressed. That’s fine. Let’s go ahead and cry about it. Let’s get through it. Because then the Thai tire out.
I’ve got a baby right now who’s going on eight months, seven and a half months, something like that. And when he’s crying, sometimes he just he can’t. He’s hungry. He’s grumpy. He’s whatever. And he probably probably only see us post happy pictures of my baby. But he has cried before, right.
So he’s crying, let’s say. And he was not shifting. He’s not shifting his focus. And he’s upset and I’m doing everything I can to change his diaper. I’ve made him I’ve cuddled him. And he’s just too tired to focus. And so he’s screaming. And what happens is, I will I want I will use this strategy with my screaming baby. These this physiology, focus and language. And it doesn’t understand meaning necessarily.
But what I’ll do is I’ll put him in his crib and walk away. Now he gets really upset. Because he wants some love. He wants some attention. He wants something. And I don’t know what it is. Because he hasn’t figured out how to say that yet, except to her screaming. But what I do is I change the pattern.
So I had a pattern of patting him and hugging him and trying to console him. And he screaming and screaming. So now I’ll give them the pattern of not having me there. And I’ll let him do that. And am I let him scream for 30 seconds. And it might be a minute and might be five minutes.
But what I have found is that he’ll burn himself up. He can only scream like that for so long. And then he tires himself out. And then when I come back up, whether it’s been 30 seconds or five minutes later, whatever it is.
My wife’s actually more disciplined about that. She’ll walk away from him more than that, if need be like, if it’s in the middle of the night. But I’m more of a pushover. I don’t want my baby cried like a was about it. But I will do it. And I come to him.
And now I’ve shifted his focus. He if he screams and gets all upset, not only does he does he tire himself out of the emotion, when I come back up, it’s a change in this physiology. It’s a change because now I can hold them and hug him and whatever. And he’s grateful. He’s grasping at something that is different. And something that has changed.
And now instead of pushing me away and being upset, he because he experienced his emotion, which was being upset, and I just let him experience it. Instead of trying to take it away. I am now like a breath of fresh air. And he hugs me and we shift so that that’s the question that I asked, What’s the gift.
And then those three parts of the Triad are what I choose to focus on to shift. And I like to describe my world in terms of what I want it to be. So even if I screw up and I have something go wrong, or that baby, my baby gets hurt. Let’s say the words in the language that I used to describe this situation.
I make sure that I described the situation as a factual thing that has happened, but not as something that will be recreated in the future. So this is what I may say, my baby fell down and hurt himself. And I’m training my nanny on this right now, because she will say things that will be a future creation statement saying, he hurts himself a lot.
Like as a fact, she’ll say, I’m really nervous. She’ll say, I’m scared. Because Maverick is falls down all the time and keeps hurting himself. Why do you keep hurting yourself, Maverick?
See, that is a creation statement that I cannot tolerate and will not tolerate and we’re training her it’s like, she doesn’t really understand words, right? Yes, yet, but like, I don’t use that language. See, I may have been a jackass up until this point. And I may have been a dick up until this point, I may have gone wrong up into this point. I may have been depressed up until this point.
See, I can go ahead and tell the truth of that is how I have been, I may have fallen down hate my son may have have in the past, not been able to keep us balanced. And in the past, he may have hurt himself by smashing his face into the corner of something like, why did you do that buddy.
But I don’t use language to describe the future as though the past will be dictating the future. So when I what I will do is, I’ll say I was running a pattern of depression. And now and now I choose whatever that is, and I’ll fill in the gap. Or my son fell down a lot today. That may be a fact he did, let’s say, and my son hurt himself today.
But I don’t use language that will recreate this in the future, in fact, that will try to use language that will describe the future that I want. So it is, but my son is getting stronger, and he’s getting better every day. And my son’s been almost walking since he was five months old. He’s been standing up on his own since he was five months.
All these gotta hold on to something we’ve been thinking he’s gonna jump up and walk any day now. And they asked, he’s only seven months. And everybody says, Oh, you got to make sure he crawls. Look, he crawls just fine. That’s, that’s not an issue. And he has not yet walked on his own.
Maybe he’s taken a step or two, which I like, because I’m easy on the rules. I’m like, dude, he walked. He took a step or two topples in the fall over so I don’t know exactly when you call it that he did it. But, uh, but. But he is getting stronger every day. And he’s getting Smarter Every Day. And do you see that’s creation language. Yes, he fell down and hurt himself.
But I don’t use language to describe my future as anything, but suffer if I’m going off on weird tangents where I’m talking about what will fucking happen. If I don’t shift the pattern, then think bad things will happen. And I use that as leverage to go ahead and shift my focus to make absolutely positively sure that I don’t destruction doesn’t and devastation doesn’t show up. That would really suck.
Okay, so I use language to describe my world and reality in such a way that it doesn’t hold me back. And it doesn’t say things about my future that I couldn’t know. Or that will create something negative. I hope that makes sense. You know, if I’m talking about myself, I’ll say yes, I screwed that up yesterday.
But now I choose to never make that mistake again. And if I make the mistake again, which invariably I make mistakes multiple times, I’ll catch myself in the mistake, or I’ll have done it, I’ll be oops, I did it again.
I really don’t want that to happen anymore. From this moment forward, I’m going to choose this. And if I screw up again, I’m going to do the same thing. If I screw up again, I’m going to do the same thing and disrupt again, I will say something I will, I will shift I gotta change the approach because this is not working.
But that doesn’t mean that I am destined to always be a loser, a failure, or whatever it is. And I have found this triad to be an invaluable resource to just recognize that all I’ve got to do is shift one of these and you shift the entire shape or state that you’re in and helping others and serving others and connecting with your truth and telling the truth and communicating what you are feeling.
Honestly, instead of pretending like it’s not there is part of this. It’s part of why I do my morning walk and talk. It’s part of why I have coaches. It’s part of why I teach my podcast is so that I can connect with the voice inside and not pretend like it doesn’t exist, and not to just try to ignore it.
Because social norms say that I shouldn’t be depressed. I’m just going to tell everybody, I’m fine. When I’m not fucking fine. Doesn’t mean I have to admit to the world that I’m depressed. I don’t have to be complete be crazy like that.
But I typically will try to share what I’m feeling because it is my truth. And I feel called to share it so that people know that it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, what I think you’ll find is that people will connect with you when you share your vulnerability, and they will appreciate you and give you some extra love.
Although you shouldn’t use that as a crutch. That every time you have a problem people got in there and give you love, I wouldn’t use it like that. But I’d use it to empower yourself and know that you’re not alone.
One of the things I’m really grateful for right now is that I spend my life every day trying to help people clarify their message and make sure that their message in their story connects with other people. And that in their message makes a difference. And I believe that your voice matters, I believe that your message matters.
And one of the most powerful things you have to share is when you’re in yucky states, and how you share and communicate when you’re going through it. And how you share and communicate once you’ve gotten out of it. That the power of that can change the world and make a difference.
And then and I’m grateful that I’m in the business of publishing and helping people tell their story to monetize that message to clarify it and monetize it.
And if you want some help with that, check out Epic Author Publishing. Go to epicauthor.com for most recent training, we’re getting better and better at making this happen. And I have a mission to help 10,000 people become authors and best selling authors. And I hope to help you someday here real soon.
And that’s all I got for you today. Went a little longer than I thought. But apparently I’m up to 30 minute podcast here. When I’m wanting to only do 10, sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes 20 sometimes an hour, but it’s just to give you more awesomeness.
Talk to you soon.
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