COMPLIMENTS & CRITICISMS
EPISODE 190 of a Daily Dose of Greatness Quest with Trevor Crane
Who do you know that THRIVES on compliments?
In my world… it’s my WIFE. In fact, if my wife doesn’t hear a compliment… she basically feels like she’s being criticized. (Especially, when she hears it from me.)
However… in some ways, we are ALL like that. We THRIVE on compliments.
I love when Chris Rock said, “There’s only three things women need: food, water, and compliments.” I couldn’t agree more.
Today’s show is about COMPLIMENTS and CRITICISMS.
And more importantly, how we can improve our the effectiveness of our communication with OURSELVES and OTHERS… i.e. the people you care about most. Enjoy the show!
WHERE in your life could you use more compliments vs. criticism?
WHO in your life needs more compliments vs. criticism?
“People thrive on compliments.” – Trevor Crane
Challenge yourself to start communicating to YOURSELF and to OTHERS by intentionally using compliments.
Ditch the “constructive criticism.”
Just compliment the SHIT out of yourself and others for a little while.
And see what happens…
HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT:
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Welcome to another episode of greatness quest. It’s your boy Trevor Crane. And today we’re going to be talking about compliments versus criticism. Sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
(INTRO – AUDIO)
So I’m out at a park right near a lake in our community. So we’ve got a little lake back there that I sometimes will shoot my podcast. And I was just driving home after tennis. And I decided that I would pause for a moment because something just showed up for me that was really cool.
My wife and I have started playing tennis together and the other day to tennis instructor said to me that he didn’t think my wife should we should keep attending like the Tuesday class. He said, Hey, I think the Monday Wednesday is going to be better for your wife and you might want to tell her.
Well the thing is, is I have a feeling that he was sharing it that she wasn’t good and enough yet for that class, like she’s just as good of an athlete as she is, apparently, she’s not hitting the ball the way that he wants her to, or whatnot. And I was like, I go, Oh, that’s a criticism like, I know my wife. And if I throw if it is not a compliment, it is a criticism.
And so there was no way on God’s green earth, I was telling my wife that. So the poor tennis instructor told my wife that the next time she came to class. And this is something that I haven’t actually shared with my wife. So we’ll see if she ever catches on. If she’s paying attention to my podcast or not.
But she came home one day and she went to tennis without me. So one of the days that we were just taking turns, she went to tennis lessons. And I didn’t and this was the day that apparently he’s told her the same thing like, Hey, I recommend these classes instead of these classes.
And although he didn’t say anything negative, and my wife mentioned this he you choose certain, so she didn’t say he didn’t say anything negative to her. He just said, I advise these classes instead of these classes, because you will do better there and whatnot. But my wife did not hear a compliment. So she absolutely heard the criticism.
And so what happened was, she was bombed, and she was upset. And I tried to cheer her up. I tried to in a variety of different ways to go ahead and to help cheer up, if you know what I mean. Mm hmm. tried that. No, no, go. She was just pissed and upset, because what she heard was not a compliment.
So here’s my challenge for you is to think of who you know in your life that thrives and responds on compliments or member a Chris Rock stand up thing. Ray said women need food, water and compliments. And this is absolutely my wife to a tee. She needs food, water and compliments.
So I would just guess that there’s got to be a woman in your life who could use more compliments. Because here’s what happened. Two days later, my wife and I are back at tennis with instructor with the instructor.
And after we had a private lesson with him, and after the class, he pulled us aside and said, you know, you guys are both really healthy. You’re both great athletes in general, you will be phenomenal tennis players, if you have the patience to just trust me.
So trust me, and don’t just try to hit the ball hard. Don’t just try to win. And so he gave us this pep talk, which was so needed for a mark from my wife’s perspective. So she came home on cloud nine all because she got a compliment versus a criticism.
So here’s what I learned. And I just was coaching myself. I’m talking about this recently because I was thinking I was asking the same question that I’m asking you to focus on, which is where else in my life can I use this in?
So I’m looking across my life personally and professionally the people that I know whether I know them yet or their new prospects or clients or teammates or partners, and I’m thinking how much better it is to use compliments instead of criticisms.
Now, often times people will take my feedback that I give them as a criticism. Why? Because it’s not a compliment. Now, it’s not all the time. I’m not that aggressive of a coach, although I can be when I’m working with someone, you know, depending on what they need.
But I know that I want to be nurtured inside. I know that I want more love and attention. I know that there’s a little boy or a little girl inside of each of us and that that’s what needs to be nurtured.
So as I looked at my body, my being my balance my business, I am taking on the personal challenge of intentionally using compliments to improve my communication with others, intentionally using compliments to improve my communication with myself.
So in the context of my body to be more complimentary and more acknowledging the progress that I’ve made instead of just beating myself up that I have a little bit I want to do that it doesn’t always have to be pushing to the next level.
Sometimes it can just be the appreciation for what I’ve got. And then genuine compliments because the truth is, is inside of us is that little kid that hears the criticism when it’s not a compliment.
So it happened to my wife in tennis. It happens to my wife all the doggone time. She’s a dramatic example in my world of somebody who absolutely yeah, if I don’t share with her the compliment, she hears the criticism.
So I’m very conscientious of this anyway, because of that. I love my wife. This is one of our communication patterns. I’m sure you have yours with your significant others in the people that are in your life.
But take on the challenge today of just trying to improve your communication because oftentimes what we hear and in I’m saying, I’m doing this to myself, how I communicate to myself and I how I’m choosing to communicate this with others.
So with this lesson, I’m going to choose to connect, connect with my team better to use more compliments, versus just always coaching and analysis and how can we make this better? How can we make this better? How can we make this better?
That’s oftentimes when a focused on I’m like, man because I know it’s great already how can we make it better? How can make it better like that’s exhausting and why not just focus on the compliments.
And this was a dramatic example for me and my wife to see her lit up we come back after tennis after has actually got compliments not from me which she gets compliments enough for me. I think I know I can do more. But she got compliments from her mentor from somebody she respects in she came back thrilled.
And here’s I guess another side of this as I wrap things up and I’m walking back to my car over here is to think about how you are taking feedback because maybe the feedback you’re getting is just feedback.
Maybe you have a tendency to get upset by the feedback that you get from others which is just potentially honest feedback and you read you were hoping for was a compliment.
Like when I meet with people about their books and they start telling me about their good ideas. Oftentimes all they want to hear only thing they want to hear his confirmation that it’s a good idea. They don’t want to hear me talk about how they can make it better. They want to hear how brilliant they are. And what a great idea it is.
So that’s not always the case. Right? Sometimes we have great ideas and there another great ideas there you like you that’s why you have a coach and a mentor to help you and they they go ahead and say, Hmm, that’s that’s good brother.
But why how can we make a great and and if you’re finding that to be a criticism that upsets you, then maybe you’re being a little bit too sensitive? Maybe you should look at it and challenge yourself to transform the meaning.
So that you can go ahead and get the value in the lesson in citizens getting upset, right? Because who wants to be on an emotional roller coaster? When you get a compliment, you’re high and when you’re on when you get criticized, you’re low.
That sucks like I really do my best to not not do that like I will I love a compliment and I can’t wait to receive my next one and I will say thank you and I want to give gratitude and appreciation for a compliment when I get it.
But I don’t now want to be in a good mood. Like I’m waiting for the weather to get good for me to have for me happy and then I just hope nobody criticizes me sad. Oh man, that’s exhausting. I didn’t get a sale he said they were gonna do and they just having a bad day.
What the hell? Why people do that to themselves? I do my best to not let myself get carried away about the future nominal compliment sometimes the people to compliment you the most today.
And they’re like, oh my god, where have you been all my life? You’re so amazing. I love you, you’re amazing is the same person that tomorrow will burn you at the stake cuz for whatever.
So I don’t get too caught up on the highs or the lows of somebody else’s opinion of me that’s a whole nother subject but it actually does show up here because you and I can have maturity and go ahead and own it and know that we are frickin awesome already.
And now we are trying to become more awesome and sometimes you will do awesome and sometimes you will do you will suck but anything worth doing well is worth sucking at first and so don’t get too caught up of you suck at something right now.
Where somebody says you suck because someone something if you’re doing anything and you’re doing it right someone someplace is going to tell you how much you suck.
So I don’t know how this got into me room crying and in Vienna gone on my high and low emotional roller coaster right now. But I felt like it all right.
That’s all I got for you today. My challenge for us to figure out where you can take this lesson and apply it in your own life and your body, your being, your balance your business, your professional life, your personal life.
Hopefully you’re enjoying this podcast and what I share with you is working for you as well. Talk to you soon.
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